Canadian Bacon Isn’t Even Real Bacon, Sixers in 7

Congratulations to Jared Dudley for being one of the stupidest players in the NBA. Calling Ben Simmons average is just insane. And for a guy like Dudley to say something like that? C’mon man, know your place. It’s almost like he was asking to get exposed. After calling the Australian superstar average, Dudley proceeded to score as many points in 17 minutes as I did sitting at home on my couch watching the game. Yeah, that’s 0 points. Big ole goose egg, like the shape of his stupid, bald head. We both got to watch Ben Simmons put up 31 that night too. I’m sure he wasn’t as pleased as I was to see that.

Image via Twitter (@sidelinedreport)

Then after his impressively bad zero-point performance, he gets ejected when he starts something with Embiid. My theory is that Jared Dudley just realized he sucks at basketball and the only way he can stay relevant in the league is if he starts a lot of beef with other guys. Why else would someone charge at Joel Embiid? Jimmy Butler was ready to rock. He was quick to have Embiid’s back. I know for a fact that Jimmy Butler can fight. Never seen it, but you know he’s got quick hands and if it came down to it, he’d beat the mess out of Dudley.

But no worries, because the Nets and Jared Dudley are a thing of the past now. Starting on Saturday, the Sixers series against the Toronto Raptors begins. Since the Sixers are the lower seed in this playoff, this means that four of the seven will be played in Toronto, which plays as an advantage for the Sixers. You’re probably thinking “why would the Sixers go to Toronto and have an advantage?”. I’ll answer your question with two words: Aubrey Graham.

Who is Aubrey Graham? He’s a rapper who goes by the name of Drake. He’s as Canadian as they come having grown up in Toronto. He said that he likes to start his mornings with a cup of maple syrup instead of coffee. That’s how Canadian he is. His love for ole Canada is going to be what kills the Raptors season.

If you’re not already hip, go ahead and google the “Drake curse.” Drake’s a global superstar, so he makes appearances at some of the biggest events in the world, especially sports. The Drake curse is one that whenever he shows up to sporting events and supports a specific team, they’re going to lose. This curse is so recent that we saw the Toronto Maple Leafs lose in game 7 against the Boston Bruins. You know who was at that game? Yep. Drake was. I’m going to make it my personal mission to make sure that Drake is at every one of these Sixers games.

Image via Twitter (@Raptors)

The Sixers and Raptors played each other four times in the regular season and Toronto took three of them. I usually think this is a pretty good predictor of how a playoff series can go. It’s a special case with this matchup though. The Raptors have yet to see the Sixers at full strength with the editions they made right before the trade deadline. It’s a different lineup for Philly with Tobias and Boban and the rest. This team has depth and is getting production from the bench. Of course, Kawhi is going to be a problem, but Toronto is going to have a couple problems on their hands with this loaded Philly team. Trust the Process boys and girls, Sixers in 7.


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